Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
