walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
