I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
