she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
