3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
