oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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