i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
