Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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