Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
