life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
