It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
