Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
