Your dad touched me again.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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