ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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