we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
