p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
