Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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