Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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