There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
