I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
