i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
