If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
