What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Fuck appropriateness.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
