it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
