She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
