Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
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I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
that is very illegal...i love you.
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