..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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