I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
