Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
