Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
