just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
