Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
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I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
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Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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