I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I love having hate sex.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
