I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
