Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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