I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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