you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize