dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
