remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
