bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
