i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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