i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
