You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
