It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just googled if crying burns calories
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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