You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
