What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
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You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
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Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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