i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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