I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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