I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Randomize