Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think people are normalizing furries
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
