my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
