none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
