but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
