You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
