how can u be prego again
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Its about making memories worth repressing
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
