You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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