the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
