Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
