btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
