so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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