how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
