I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
