Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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