I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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