forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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