So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
