I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
