bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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