I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
