I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
