I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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