Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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