Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
