oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
